Kimi ga iru kara
by paper star
Summary: "But like the small grains of sand, she slipped away. Leaving me with only a memory of her presence."--- A Yukiru fic~3rd chapter up...
1. Kimi ga iru kara

All standard disclaimers apply.

Kimi ga irukara…

(Because you're here…)

Chapter One:Kangaekomu

…to be lost in thought

**__**

"I watched her slip through my fingers, going to another. I wanted to stop her, hold on to the memories that I had of her. Maybe even create new memories together. But like the small grains of sand on the beach, she slipped away. Leaving me with only a memory of her presence."

***********

Yuki woke up, cold and shivering. Be it from the open window or crack under the door, the cold air always found a way into his room.

Sensing that he would get no reprieve from the cold, Yuki got up. He looked at the clock on his bedside table. In the darkness of his room, the numbers '0630' glowed an eerie green.

Still early. He would not have to do anything until much later. Yuki was much too free. Bare feet touched the cold floor and made their way into the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, Yuki had come out, in a woolly gray sweatshirt and thick pants. He still could not get used to the cold, even though he had been living here for almost a year. 

In the kitchen, Yuki prepared himself a cup of instant coffee. He decided against cooking anything. His cooking had yet to improve. Often, he ate out and if he needed to stock up on food, it would be of the instant kind. He had not eaten a decent meal since…he said '_goodbye_'.

Yuki tried to focus on other things. He sipped his coffee, the strong brew making its way into his body. Somehow it seemed to deaden his senses as well. The coffee sent him into and early morning daydream. It was rare for him to be able to think idly. And neither did he want to. For inevitably, it only brought back memories of _her_.

***********

****

He had gotten used to the delicious breakfasts she prepared for them all. Every morning, there was something different set out on the table. Yuki never knew how Tohru could manage to find the time to cook every morning. He had difficulty in trying to find the salt and pepper shakers alone.

Yuki ate the pancakes with relish. As always they were delicious. Tohru had even added an extra knob of butter on his pancakes, knowing how much he loved the slightly salty taste of butter mingled with the sweetness of syrup. It was the little things like this that showed how much she cared.

'_If only her love was only for me…_' Yuki thought.

He was so busy eating that he barely noticed the 'baka neko' settle down on the opposite end of the table. Kyou had already eaten, but like Yuki, he wanted to bask in the glow of Tohru's warm aura. Shigure came in a moment later. His face registered sleepiness but he immediately perked up at the sight of pancakes.

For once, the house was quiet, save for Tohru's humming as she washed the dishes. Sunlight streamed through the windows, highlighting her long, brown hair. As Yuki ate, he took the time to gaze at Tohru. There were some differences in her. But of course, one had to expect changes to occur by the time that one was 20 years old.

Tohru had of late matured and become a ……_woman_. Yes, that was the word one would use to describe her.

Her long hair was the same, but gone was the long fringe. It was replaced by short wisps of hair that fluttered around her face. Tohru's face had lost some of its baby fat, making her delicate features more pronounced. Eyes that seemed to take up most of her face in youth seemed smaller yet had lost none of their innocence and merriment.

'And she has gained curves in all the right places,' Yuki thought and immediately blushed.

"Souma-kun, daijoubu ka?" 

Tohru was suddenly in front of him. Yuki felt her cool fingers on his forehead.

"I'm f-," Yuki was about to reassure Tohru when Shigure interrupted him.

"Ooh……Yuki-kun, are you alright?!! You stared at Tohru-kun for so long, ne? Do you need Tohru to attend to you? Why if you need some '_rabu-rabu_' moments, why didn't you just say so? Kyou and I would be pleased to leave the two of you alone. Ne, Kyou-kun?"

"Urusai na baka inu," Yuki said harshly, trying to keep his temper in check.

Shigure had struck a chord in him, with his talk of '_rabu-rabu moments_'. Yuki had known all this while that he loved Tohru. He wanted to tell her so badly that it hurt him. But…for some reason he never did. For all his 'coolness' and 'princely charm', Yuki was still a first-timer at this feeling called 'love'. So he had chosen to stand in the sidelines, content to have Tohru smile at him everyday.

Tohru had looked a little clueless at Shigure's joke but soon recovered her composure.

"Ah…minna-san, I have something to tell you all. I…uh…ee-to…"

Tohru's face reddened and suddenly in a torrent of words said,

"**_IamgettingmarriedtoYanagisawaYuusuke_**."

There was silence, as the Soumas present took a moment to absorb this new piece of information.

Tohru let out a sigh and continued to talk animatedly, now that the most difficult part was over.

"I wanted to tell the three of you first, as you are the closest Soumas to me. Yuusuke popped the question to me on our date last night. And I have accepted his proposal. I have been expecting this for some time now. Yuusuke and I are so very much in…love. I hope you will give me your blessings."

"Of course, we will Tohru-kun. Oh my Tohru-kun is all grown up already!"

Shigure had stood up and was shaking Tohru's hands. Yuki and Kyou kept quiet; each lost in their own thoughts.

Yuki searched his mind for the name '_Yanagisawa Yuusuke_'. And then he remembered that Yuusuke had been dating Tohru for six months now. He was not particularly good-looking and on the occasions Yuki had made small talk with him, he seemed like such a plain person. Or maybe, it was just his jealousy that was thinking all this?

"Omedetou," Yuki had managed to say softly to Tohru.

"My blessings to you," Kyou choked out the words. Yuki knew that he too shared some feelings for Tohru. And now, both of them were late. Far too late. 

"We'll still be friends, right?" Tohru had asked.

***********

That was one year and a few months ago. Things change so quickly in such a short span of time.

'_I was selfish_,' thought Yuki.

The coffee was long gone. In his hands, was the empty ceramic cup.

'_I left for England so that I wouldn't have to bear all the hate that I had for myself. And I'm sure in the process, I made Tohru worry. What kind of person am I? Weak, ultimately weak. At least Kyou was strong enough to stay. But me…_'

Yuki did not want to think anymore. It hurt his mind.

He got up from the chair that he had unknowingly sat in. Classes would be start soon, and he wanted to go to that art exhibition in London.

****

Glossary:

'baka neko: stupid cat

urusai na baka inu: shut stupid dog

daijoubu ka: are you alright?

omedetou: congratulations

By the way, 'to eat with relish' means to eat appreciatively.

Next chapter: Hisashiburi

~ a chance encounter*a beautiful painting hung on the wall*secrets~

~* paper star *~

paper_soap@hotmail.com

Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcome.


	2. Hisashiburi

All standard disclaimers apply.

It might be useful for people who don't understand Japanese to read the glossary at the bottom of the page.

Chapter Two:Hisashiburi

…long time no see

* * * * * * * * * * 

Yuki was looking forward to his visit to the art gallery.

The lectures bored him to death because it was just a repeat of what he already knew. It had been somewhat difficult for Yuki to keep from answering the lecturers every question.

He came out from the underpass, hoping for a quiet walk to the gallery. However, it was not meant to be. It was lunch hour and people thronged the streets. Yuki kept a safe distance from the crowd, preferring to walk closer to the buildings. Unfortunately, the safety of his current position came at a price.

His delicate Asian features and the violet-coloured hair caused many a head to turn. Sometimes, he caught he caught snatches of conversation. 'Gay', 'faggot' were some of the things he was used to hearing and he paid them no heed. He was very heterosexual, thank you very much.

The art gallery was considerably empty. It would be a while before it would be filled with the bigwigs of 'artistic society'. Yuki was thankful for the peace the gallery offered. He started visiting art galleries in London after he found that looking at paintings and contemplating their meaning, made him feel relaxed. Strange but true.

As he slowly scanned his surroundings, something caught his eye. It was a small painting, not well framed and hidden in a dark corner of the gallery. Nevertheless, Yuki felt himself drawn to it.

He stood in front of the painting, taking it in.

The artist was a name he did not recognise.

'Perhaps, it's his first work,' Yuki thought.

The painting was done in oil paints. There were swirls of blue and purple, with sudden daubs of red. As if the painter had been experiencing pain, sadness, regret and anger at the same time. The feelings that appeared to be portrayed in the painting reminded Yuki of the way he felt when Tohru announced her engagement.

Sadness and pain at the fact that it was not him that she was marrying. Regret because he had not done anything, had just congratulated Tohru. And he felt anger directed at himself for being, as Kyou might have put it, a 'baka nezumi'.

Suddenly, a soft voice,

"Kirei,ne?"

Automatically, Yuki answered even though he had not realised there was someone beside him,

"Hai. Hontou ni kirei des..."

And then he stopped. Perhaps it was his imagination, but had he just heard someone, in a city with a Caucasian majority, speak Japanese?

He turned to the person he had just spoken to.

Startled violet eyes met the eyes of brown, open wide in surprise.

* ~Hisashiburi,ne.~ *

* * * * * * * * * * *

" I would have never thought that I would meet Souma-san in an art gallery! In England!"

The voice was the same: feminine, soft and friendly. Yet lacked a little of the sincerity that he recognised. There was something _different_.

"Yes, I received a scholarship to study Plant Sciences in one of the universities in England."

"Sugoi!"

She smiled.

He smiled.

And somehow, the conversation lacked something.

Yuki looked at the woman in front of him. Same long, brown hair. Same brown eyes. Same very kissable lips. Yet something missing.

"So Honda-san, what brings you here to England?"

The smile on Tohru's face faltered almost imperceptibly. 

"I decided that I needed a refreshing change from Japan! I found a job here through one of my friends."

Yuki noticed Tohru's slightly strained smile, and decided to change the subject.

"Shigure and Kyou? How are they? I trust they are well."

"Oh, they are very well Souma-san. Shigure-san is still busy writing wonderful novels. Kyou holds classes at the dojo. He and Kagura seem to be getting along very well."

Yuki gave a small smile at the thought of Kyou and Kagura together. He knew that somehow Kyou would end up happy. Lucky Kyou.

As Yuki and Tohru walked out of the gallery, Tohru suddenly turned to Yuki.

"Aah, Souma-san. Before I forget. Hatori-san is very worried about your health. I believe that it would be a good idea to give a call and tell him that you are alright."

Yuki had nearly forgotten about the Souma family. He had left without telling anyone, not even bothering to ask for permission from Akito. At that point of time, Yuki's top priority had just been to leave.

It was months before he contacted anyone from the Honke. Even then, he had made Haru promise not to tell anyone where he was. Yuki had only allowed Haru to tell Ayame that he was fine. He did not need to have a hysterical brother worrying about him.

He tried to remove all thoughts of the Soumas (and Tohru) by burying himself in studies and other activities. Yuki did not make another call to Haru for a long time. Thus, he only found out about Akito's death two months after it happened.

"Died of hysteria. Went completely insane that the rat would leave him," Haru had told him over the phone.

Yuki was so lost in his thoughts that it took him some time to realise that Tohru had been trying to get his attention.

"I'm so sorry, Honda-san. I almost forgot you were there."

"Oh, it's alright Souma-san. I just wanted to let you know that we will soon be passing the train station. I wanted to know if Souma-san would be needing to take the train to get back home."

"I do need to take the train home. Thank you for telling me Honda-san. I live quite a distance from here. Wait, let me write down my address for Honda-san."

They exchanged addresses, and made promises to look each other up.

Tohru turned to leave, but not before giving Yuki a smile. A polite smile.

And that was when it struck Yuki about what had been nagging at the back of his mind. Tohru had given him polite smiles. Nothing more than that. And she had referred to him as 'Souma-san' and not 'Souma-kun'.

Yuki recognised it as the language of strangers.

* * * * * * * * * *

Chapter Three~*Shootai* …invitation

~Tohru's POV*lodgings*relationships*Yuusuke & resentment*having fun~

Glossary

baka nezumi: stupid mouse

kirei, ne?: It's beautiful, isn't it?

hai. hontou ni kirei desu: Ys. It's ver beautiful.

hisashiburi,ne: used as a greeting when you've not met someone for a long time, think along the lines of 'Long time no see…'

*notes: the '-san' suffix to a name is a formal way of addressing a person. '-kun' suffix is more informal, & indicates a degree of familiarity with the adddressed person.

That's why Yuki felt that Tohru was being overly-polite and formal with him.

Reviews and constructive criticism is very much appreciated. Arigatou!

~* paper star *~


	3. Shootai

As always,all standard disclaimers apply.

Chapter Three:Shootai

…invitation

Tohru smiled at Yuki. Walked some distance and then…

stopped. She had walked far enough to keep up the pretence that she lived in the area. Yuki would have probably got on the train by now.

Tohru walked back in the direction she came from. She too needed to take the train back home, but no way was she going to get on the train with Yuki. He was the last person Tohru had expected to find in London. And certainly not one that she would welcome with open arms either. Tohru had come to England to get away from Japan. Not to meet a reminder of everything she had left behind.

Tohru missed the Soumas terribly. After her mother, they were the only real family she had. She wondered how everyone was back home. She had left them a note of course. A vague one, but a note nonetheless.

She got on the train and thankfully, found a seat. As the scenery whizzed by, Tohru's only thought was of the Soumas.

Shigure had written a new novel recently and Tohru was supposed to proof-read it. Well, she couldn't do that now that she was in England, could she?

Momiji wanted to give her another English lesson. Tohru remembered politely declining Momiji's offer. In perfect English. I t was amazing what one could do with the correct incentive.

'No, don't think about that. He's nothing to you now. Nothing,' Tohru mentally berated herself.

Tohru forced herself to think of other things. She thought of Kyou. He had been so sad when she had announced her engagement to…Anyway, he had been sad. Tohru could sense it. So she had searched for him that night. She found him on the roof.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Kyou-kun had been sitting down, his body hunched up. His amber-red eyes were dulled and had a glazed look. Tohru remembered creeping up to him and sitting beside him on the roof. She watched the stars twinkling overhead for awhile, before she decided to speak.

"_Kyou-kun, we'll still be friends. Not just friends, but the best of friends. The cat will always have a special place in my heart. Why? You might ask. And I will always answer, 'Because the cat, no matter how proud or stubborn, is always loyal to the very end.' Like Puss-in-Boots, ne_**?**" Tohru had whispered.

Kyou's body had stiffened a bit, but still he said nothing. So Tohru continued,

"_Sometimes Kyou-kun, you have to let go of old dreams and start making new ones. And that, Kyou-kun, is not something okaa-san told me._"

She was about to say something else, when Kyou spoke up.

"_Let's hope then that your dream becomes a reality. If not, I'll punch him so hard, that when he wakes up, you've made another new dream of your own._"

It was at that point of time that Tohru knew Kyou would be fine. It would take some time for his heart to heal but he'd be fine. She hugged him then and they stayed on the roof until dawn. A young woman holding onto a purring marmalade cat.

Friends forever.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Tohru got off the train, still smiling.

As she walked to her home, Tohru kept thinking about the past year.

Yuki had left, and Tohru had been sad. But happiness for her upcoming wedding seemed to overwhelm all her sadness. She had made so many plans. With Kagura, Momiji, Kisa…everyone. There was going to be lilies everywhere. Ayame-san would make her wedding gown. Shigure wanted to give her away. ("Tohru, my Tohru! So grown-up!")

Tohru had noticed Kyou and Kagura getting closer. He didn't yell at Kagura all that much. It would have been a wonderful year. Would have been if not for th-…

'Stop it Tohru. You came here to get away. Remember that!'

For the second time that day, Tohru's mind had wandered off to an unfavourable train of thought. She was determined not to let it happen again.

Tohru finally reached the small apartment she called 'home'.

It was sparsely furnished. There was only a futon and a small table. All her clothes had been placed into a small cupboard. The kitchen was small, and the bathroom was even smaller. The only things that decorated the apartment were a vase of dusty, plastic flowers and a photo of her mother on the small table.

"Okaa-san…"

The words escaped her lips involuntarily.

Tohru sank into the futon suddenly feeling very tired. And very lonely. Before she drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep, Tohru whispered,

"Watashi wa ganbatteruyo, okaa-san…"

Tohru woke up the next morning, her body aching a little. She got ready for another day of work.

She arrived at the school, early. There was none about. Tohru liked it that way. She could then sit down on the swings, enjoying the fresh feeling that the morning sun and dew brought. 

All too soon, the quiet moment that Tohru had been enjoying ended. Teachers and young children with parents in tow came into view. Tohru went into her classroom to greet her students as they entered. When all her students had settled down, Tohru in a clear voice wished them,

"Good Morning."

And the children replied,

"Good Morning Miss To-ru!"

Another day at the Brightin Private Nursery and Kindergarten began.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Tohru enjoyed working with the children. They had so much energy that sometimes it was difficult to keep up with them. First, Tohru taught them simple mathematics. And then, it was onto Art. Most of the time Tohru spent Art making sure the papers given out got covered in paint, and not the children. Later, it was show-and-tell. The day progressed. Soon, it was lunch and then naptime. Tohru was then able to take a short break in the teachers' lounge.

Some teachers were inside the lounge when Tohru entered. The other teachers smiled in welcome at the new teacher who had joined the school a short time ago.

"Hello there, newcomer. Miss Honda To-ru, right? From Japan?" a pretty lady dressed in blue.

"Y-yes." Tohru answered her hesitantly. She was still unfamiliar with the other teachers

An older woman motioned for Tohru to sit beside her.

"Come have a seat. So, how do find working here?"

"The children are lovely. They make me tired sometimes, but it's still very fun working here."

The teachers nodded their heads. Like Tohru, they too loved working at the school.

Tohru's felt a little left out when the teachers resumed their conversation with each other.

"…And then he left me. Can you believe that?"

"Mine went ballistic…gob-smackingly ballistic."

"Honestly, you'd have thought…"

Tohru squirmed in her seat. She was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable and was about to leave, when the teacher who sat beside her turned to face Tohru.

"Oh, I'm so sorry my dear. We were just discussing our somewhat non-existent love lives. We shouldn't have ignored you like that…Umm, perhaps this might seem a tad too nosy, but what about you? Do you have a special someone in your life, my dear?"

"Y-ye-…No wait. Not anymore. He, I…"

Tohru let out a sigh, inadvertently making her the focus of everyone's attention.

"What happened Tohru?" Another teacher whose name Tohru did not know asked her.

'Yes indeed. What happened Tohru?' a little voice in Tohru's mind asked her.

"We were engaged. Going to get married. And then, somewhere along the way, it just—just didn't go as planned. So I came here. To start again…" Tohru answered softly.

Silence.

"That's the way! Love him, then Leave him!" one of the teachers suddenly said aloud.

There were choruses of agreement all around.

"Love him, then Leave him!"

It began as a whisper and ended in a shout. It was a strange form of support in Tohru's opinion, but she felt a sudden surge of happiness.

Noting the time, the teachers suddenly stood up to leave for their respective classes. The teacher sitting beside Tohru stood up and smiled at her.

"You should throw away old dreams, and start making new ones," she said before she left.

Tohru was left to wonder about what she meant.

* * * * * * * * * * *

She rushed back to the classroom. Fortunately, her students seemed to be in no hurry to wake up. Once they were all awake, Tohru announced that it was time for Music. The children cheered. Music happened to be their favourite lesson. They sang nursery rhymes and popular children songs. One of the boys suddenly asked Tohru,

"Miss Tohru, can you sing for us please?"

The classroom suddenly came alive with children asking Tohru to sing for them. Tohru obliged and sang them the song Momiji had sung with her at the onsen. It brought back many happy memories.

__

Yuu-hi no oo ya-ma~ nii...   
_Deru deru Mo-mi-ji~!_   
**_Sunset on the Mountain_   
_Come out, come out Momiji~!_**

kaeru ya to-ka-ge~ ga...   
_Kon-ni~chi wa~!_   
**_Frogs and Lizards_   
_[All Say_**] **Good-day~!**

__

Koi no ara ni mo~   
_ka-zu-no-ko uma~ nii..._   
**_Koi and herring roe looks like a horse_**

__

Yuu-hi no oo ya-ma~ nii...   
_Deru deru Mo-mi-ji~!_   
**_Sunset on the Mountain_   
_Come out, come out Momiji~!_**

There was loud applause when Tohru finished singing.

"Miss To-ru is soooooo good at singing!"

"I wanna sing like Miss To-ru!"

"Me too!" "Me three!"

In the end, Tohru had to teach her class the song. She was patient and softly corrected the words her students mispronounced. And by the end of the day, everyone in Tohru's class knew the song by heart.

Tohru waved goodbye to the last child. She heaved a long sigh. It had been a tiring day.

"Tired already?"

Tohru whirled around to face the person who had spoken.

Yuki stood a little behind her.

"Souma-san!" she exclaimed.

"Hello Honda-san. I know you're tired and would probably like to go home. But may I take you out?"

Perhaps it was the feeling of great happiness that she had after singing the song, or maybe she had suddenly remembered the words of the older teacher. Whatever it was, Tohru was surprised to find herself saying,

"Yes Souma-san. I'd love it if you take me out."

* * * * * * * * * * *

  
Chapter Four~*Choo* ( Butterfly)

~a park*silence*laughter~

Glossary:

okaa-san: mother

watashi wa ganbatteruyo, okaa-san: I will persevere, mother

*Thank you to Lin-chan for the translation and romanized version of Momiji's onsen song. Full credit definitely goes to her. You can visit her Furuba website at: http://pyo.shiranai.org/onigiri/p/onigiri.html

It's just too cute! * wai! *

~* paper star *~

Reviews and constructive criticisms will always be met with open arms and an open mind.


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